My toddler simultaneously amazes me and disgusts me – all in the space of one morning, sometimes sooner.

This morning Gemma was affectionately ballroom dancing with her oversized bear in her bedroom – a very sweet sight to behold.

Later, when I had fallen asleep in her bed, I awoke to her yoghurt-covered face. Heading out to the kitchen, not only had Gemma fed herself yoghurt from the fridge, she had poured it into a bowl in the cupboard, placed the lid back on the container, and put it back in the fridge. I was thoroughly impressed and confident she would definitely survive if ever left to her own devices.

And then, Gemma allows me to put her to bed for a nap without protest, and early too. See? Obviously, my toddler is amazing as per said evidence.

I was then just about to make my sandwich (in peace) when I heard the familiar tapping on her door – typical timing, but no big deal. I can share and I won’t have to make lunch twice.

That was until I opened the door…

Gemma was covered in her own poo from head to toe. Not only that, it had dried, so baby wipes proved useless.

This was a situation that necessitated placing my disgusting child in running water and allowing it to wash down the drain. However, any parent of a child covered in poo knows it’s not that simple. No… The child has also managed to get poo under their fingernails, in their hair, and in other nooks and crannies. And that’s getting off lightly. It’s always much more fun when you’re ready to dress your now-clean decontaminated child and then find remnants of their disgusting curiosity throughout their bedroom. You consider yourself lucky if it’s contained to the bed linen. That’s easy to take off and wash. Plush toys – again, not so bad. That too can be washed. But the darn carpet! Geez, thanks kid!

Oh, and this happened last week too; although, there was a walking trail of poo from the wardrobe to the door. Kid, just leave your darn poo alone!

With the disgusting situation now resolved, Gemma bends down to the floor, picks up a small crumb, passes it to me, and says, “Dirty Mummy”.